The Top Ten New "Tough on Crime" Proposals:

• 10. Appoint ex-Soviet skating judges to the federal bench

• 9. Murder Parents for their money and face possible retrial

• 8. Use a gun, go to grad school

• 7. Convieniently overlook 1st, 2nd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 11th, 14th and 27th Amendments

• 6. "I forget" no longer acceptible congressional testimony

• 5. Ban crime

• 4. Bert I. Gordon

• 3. Zero-tolerance Lactose policy

• 2. Three Words: Special Agent Schwarzeneggar

  And the number one new "Tough on Crime" Proposal...

• Hey! Walk your bike!